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Max Payne stick figure safety instructions

Some people may have seen the rather funny (and disturbing, be ready for violence) Max Payne stick figure movie and recently when I went to Malaysia the safety instructions for my room were so similar that I had to blog them. Please find my annotations for them below 🙂

Stickman adventures – part one

stick figure 5

When you check into a room, laser the windows shut and the alarm systems so they don’t work. Then you’ll be uninterrupted in your scheming for world domination.

Stickman adventures – part two

stick figure 2

If you come across your evil twin in an adjoining room, ask him/her to answer the door while you prepare to throw a phone at their head. You’ll find that if you want to pull a wall down, bricks should be thrown through an open door, not closed.

Stickman adventures – part three

stick figure 1

If your fists explode when punching the air, trying hitting the fist with a phone. If bricks come flying at you, make sure you ignore the ones coming at your head. And if the bricks persist, then run towards any nearest closed door.

Stickman adventures – part four

stick figure 4

Floating disco lights should be distrusted, and you should stay close to the floor. If anyone is jumping from a building near you make sure you wave hello, especially if they are falling onto a mysterious X. Try to wear a funny hat.

Stickman adventures – part five

stick figure 3

Finally if a weird I Ching device turns up in your luggage, don’t put it into the washing machines or bricks will be thrown at you. You can escape bricks by disabling the elevator so people are forced to use the stairs.

7 replies on “Max Payne stick figure safety instructions”

Part four: breakdancing is an excellent way to confuse invading alien energy-morphs but when confronted with ninjas disguised as tetris players, it is best to appear friendly.

It reminds me of a stairwell sign intended to warn users that the firedoors opened inwards, possibly knocking them flying.

It looked something like this:

+—–
0 / |
— / | 0
| /
—+-‘
/ |
|
+—–

I was often tempted to add an explanatory note: “Beware of feral knee-grabbers”

“A pictures is worth a thousand words… and can have a thousand meanings!”

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